a leaving

leaving-home-2

Ten months ago, almost to the day, my wife passed away peacefully at home. This morning, I walked out of that home for the last time.

This was the place that Lee and I always dreamed we would build, one packed to the rafters with love and the happy minutiae of a life together. And it became just that, the foundation for the best parts of our lives together. It is where our children grew up and grew out, and where we put down roots in a community that felt absolutely right for each of us.

Of all the houses that I have lived, this was the one that I truly called home. A small part of me wanted to be in this place forever, if only to celebrate that time and preserve it for my children. But I also know that I cannot live in the service of the past, and that’s mostly what it would be.

Today’s leaving was as immeasurably sad as anything I have experienced in the past year; a sadness that came from deep inside me, from the bedrock upon which I am built. And yet, it was also freeing, as though another small weight had been lifted from my soul.

And as I walked through the rooms of the house, I smiled for the wonderful memories buried in those walls and shed some tears for the things that never were to be. And I stood in front of the beautiful gardens that Lee created and cherished, and wished the plants to stay strong and vibrant for the family that is entering this place.

leaving-home-garden

There are good bones in this house, and the land beneath it breathes with an air of contentment that comes from the lives that inhabited this space. It is time for this place to bloom again, with laughter and love at its center. And it is time for me to leave, to move further into this new world that I am creating. Yes, there is sadness in leaving, but there is also much joy and love in my life. It is that which continues to propel me forward.

Peace.

self-portrait (#wwpw)

self-portrait-wwpw

This weekend, I went on one of the Portland locations of Scott Kelby’s Worldwide Photo Walk, over in the Eastside industrial area. I met a bunch of great folks (here’s the group shot, before we all headed out from OMSI), but the weather was odd, and I had a hard time finding my bearings. (I’m also shooting with the D800 exclusively right now, since I really need to know if this will be my camera for the next few years, and it’s taking a while to get used to the controls and operational stuff.)

I shot quite a bit of garbage, and had pretty much resigned myself to emptying my card when I got home, when I happened upon this interesting section of a block. I took a couple shots of the tree, window and potted bamboo, and, while I liked them, there was something missing:

alarm-and-bamboo

Thinking about it for a minute, I decided to pop myself into the frame. I took a couple of shots, and ended up with the one up top. I cropped it a bit here (the uncropped version is below), but I do like the end result, even if I’m not a fan of my own face.

self-portrait-alarm-and-bamboo-full

(This is a great place to shoot, however. Two of my favorite images, Railbed, Morrison Bridge, and Water Avenue Coffee, were both shot in this neighborhood.)