a leaving


Ten months ago, almost to the day, my wife passed away peacefully at home. This morning, I walked out of that home for the last time.

This was the place that Lee and I always dreamed we would build, one packed to the rafters with love and the happy minutiae of a life together. And it became just that, the foundation for the best parts of our lives together. It is where our children grew up and grew out, and where we put down roots in a community that felt absolutely right for each of us.

Of all the houses that I have lived, this was the one that I truly called home. A small part of me wanted to be in this place forever, if only to celebrate that time and preserve it for my children. But I also know that I cannot live in the service of the past, and that’s mostly what it would be.

Today’s leaving was as immeasurably sad as anything I have experienced in the past year; a sadness that came from deep inside me, from the bedrock upon which I am built. And yet, it was also freeing, as though another small weight had been lifted from my soul.

And as I walked through the rooms of the house, I smiled for the wonderful memories buried in those walls and shed some tears for the things that never were to be. And I stood in front of the beautiful gardens that Lee created and cherished, and wished the plants to stay strong and vibrant for the family that is entering this place.


There are good bones in this house, and the land beneath it breathes with an air of contentment that comes from the lives that inhabited this space. It is time for this place to bloom again, with laughter and love at its center. And it is time for me to leave, to move further into this new world that I am creating. Yes, there is sadness in leaving, but there is also much joy and love in my life. It is that which continues to propel me forward.


tulips {forced}


I’ve been off at the Portland International Film Festival for the past two weeks[1. Best movies so far? The Sapphires, Blancaneives and Renoir. I didn’t see Alien Boy, which Liz says is her favorite.
The worst? I beseech you: don’t go see Love, Marilyn.], and, while I have had my camera with me all the time, there haven’t been that many things to shoot or post (the previously posted photo, “flight,” being the exception).

However, in our kitchen there have been the most lovely forced tulips; a gift to Lee from her friend Betty. I don’t recall seeing forced tulips before, but I’m quite in love with them, and it’s been fun to watch them go from shoots of green to full flowers in a short time. They’re just about done, but I keep looking at them every night, and inevitably end up pulling out the camera to try another angle.

Below is one from a bit closer in. A couple of people have told me that they like this one better, although it’s a bit darker:


That said, as much as I love photographing flowers, the film festival ends Friday and I’m ready to get out and shoot something else.

On another note, my friend Duncan posted his review this week of the Sony RX1; if you’ve been intrigued by this camera, the review is well worth reading.[2. You can see a good representative sampling of my images taken with the RX1 over in this Flickr set. You could click the Sony RX1 tag above, but scrolling through the picks is better on Flickr, to be honest.]



Our kitchen has been under construction since the beginning of February, and we’re just about done — cabinet and drawer fronts, and a fix to the new range are all that’s left.

One of the things that kept us going was that the finish would coincide with the spring harvest at our local farmer’s markets. Today, the first batch of local asparagus was in, which along with the arrival of the daffodils and the tulips, is my harbinger that spring is finally here.